Issue 3: Interview with Adrian Mouhajer
“And in the garden
You smile at me warmly
You reach for my hand
And squeeze it above the table
And it does not cost me anything”
~ Beneath the Olive Trees by Adrian Mouhajer
In your poem "Beneath the olive trees," the speaker daydreams about their girlfriend being accepted by their mother. Can you tell us about your inspiration for this piece?
My parents are Lebanese immigrants and a big part of Lebanese culture is family. For example, it’s a notable part of our culture for our parents to be closely involved with our future/current spouses. My mother has a lot of love for her son-in-laws and she enjoys their company greatly. It’s almost a rite of passage for my siblings and I to bring home someone my mother will be able to heap adorations upon. However, for me it gets a bit more complicated than simply bringing someone home.
My parents are conservative muslims who tolerate my lesbianism but I wouldn’t say it brings them any joy. It’s a point of contention between us that I’ve learned to navigate in my adulthood but I do still find myself slipping into fantasies of what could be if they viewed things a little differently. My current partner is every bit the kind of person my mother would love but I have yet to introduce her in any official capacity to them because I know the result will always be the same.
Not good.
Despite my parents' views, I still love them dearly and hold them close to my heart. I write about the garden that exists within me as a place where I’m free to linger on what could be, even if it is only in a parallel universe of my dreams. My culture continues to unconsciously influence me, in a way that although I know my partner won’t ever truly garner my mothers’ approval, part of me will always long for it.
In your bio, you mention that you "specialise in over-sharing." Is this urge to be confessional or vulnerable an important part of your poetry?
Definitely. I would say I hold vulnerability as important in both my writing and my everyday life. I approach everything with my heart open and I don’t have any issues with sharing the way I feel. I’ve definitely paid for enough therapy sessions in my time that I’d say I’m quite good at it now. I strongly believe in destigmatising vulnerability and promoting it as a way of showing strength, not weakness. I want my work to reflect that so I always want to put as much of myself into my work as possible. I find that when I do create pieces that are exceptionally vulnerable, I really do get some spectacular results.
I often find myself able to connect with people I’ve never met before through sharing my work because they see themselves in it too.
One of the first times I ever performed my poetry was at Bankstown Poetry Slam back in 2016 and I remember an audience member coming to me afterwards and thanking me for my piece. It was a bittersweet piece inspired by a bad break up and a possible new connection. I was really surprised that this young man who was a good foot taller than I was had found his own personal connection to my piece. He had felt my pain, and it had helped him understand his own better. I think that’s when I really started to fall in love with poetry.
I think humans, at our core, do want to understand each other better. I believe that showing vulnerability is an important way to foster connection in your relationships which can lead to this understanding. I want my work to promote understanding, and so I would definitely say vulnerability is an integral part of all my work, not just my poetry.
You were highly commended in the Antidote and Sweatshop Mentorship Program for Diverse Emerging Writers and your piece There’s a bomb in my closet: On being queer, Arab and Muslim 20 years after 9/11 explores the complexities of racism and intersectionality. What was the mentorship experience like when writing and developing this piece?
I actually had an amazing experience with this mentorship that pretty much renewed my motivation to get back into the writing field. The entire Sydney Opera House team as well as Winnie and Declan were great and provided valuable insights into my work, and to where I could take my writing in the future.I was provided with a lot of support and feedback that really helped me break down what was important to me in my writing and how I could improve myself.
I had never been part of a formal writing experience like that but it was a really positive one so it’s definitely made me excited to apply for more things like that in the future. It also helped me really see the importance of individual contribution, a point that I think I’d forgotten after I graduated my degree. It really renewed my faith in the writing sphere.
I really want to praise Sweatshop especially as I’m currently under their wing at the moment and they really do put their whole heart into their work. Dr Micheal Mohammed Ahmed and Winnie Dunn are an amazing and supportive team and I’m really excited to be still working with them now and hope to continue working with them in the future.
I’d really like to publish a whole book of “oversharing” poetry one day so I see the mentorship as an exciting first step to a long road ahead.
Who are some great writers and poets on your radar at the moment?
I’m actually a bit old school in the sense that when I stumble into a bookshop, I immediately veer towards the classical section of the poetry shelf. A lot of my work is actually inspired by John Donne, who I really fell in love with when I was studying him in university. I really adored his conceptualisation of the beloved and a lot of my work draws on him for inspiration, especially in regards to his conflation of faith and love.
At the moment I’m brushing up my romance chops by really delving into Arabic poetry collections. Right now I’m reading Arabian Love Poems by Nizar Kabbani and The Butterfly's Burden by Mahmoud Darwish. I’d recommend both as great examples of romantic arabic poetry and you can get translated copies of them as well.
In terms of more contemporary writers and poets currently on my radar then I would say I’m really enjoying Mohammed El-Kurd’s debut poetry book, Rifqa. I swear I’m not just saying this but I actually really loved The Lebs so I really do consider Dr Michael Mohammed Ahmed a great writer and one who will always be on my radar. I’m also a huge fan of bell hooks, my partner gifted me her book, “all about love” and I cannot get enough and am moving on to her other works now too.
I’m also a big Audre Lorde and Angela Davis fan and I really think they’re those rare writers that you actually love to study in university. When their names would come up in my English readings, I’d get so ecstatic. I feel like I could answer this question for days so I’ll end here but honestly there are so many great writers and poets that I love to read, there aren’t enough hours in the day for them all.
Born and raised in Lakemba to conservative Muslim migrant Lebanese parents that wanted the best for their children but were never really sure how to approach them, Adrian is a twenty-six year old non-binary lesbian Muslim Lebanese poet that specialises in over-sharing and simping for women on the daily.